Dishearten

You know, when you're growing up and your heart is full of love, full of innocence. You run through life, full of joy and laughter until you "grow up" and reality hits you, causing you to dishearten little by little. You start to experience the cruelties that life has to offer; you start to face reality. Nothing feels sturdy anymore; you question everything you've ever been taught and dig and dig and dig in hopes of revealing, discovering who you truly are and what your purpose on earth is. Why do I exist? You start to wonder and are left absolutely clueless. The people which meant the most to you betray and abandon you, leaving you helpless with no answers. With them, they take a piece of your heart. Soon enough, you are left heartless and cold. Those the closest to you tell you that you're not going to succeed, that you're going to be a failure, and you start believing it. Nothing feels or looks in place, organized. Everything is out of place and you're left hanging, not knowing what to do, just alone with your thoughts and your reality. 

Making memories

She sat in her rocking chair, her eyes full of light and joy. They smiled at you without her lips even making the slightest of a move. She rocked back and forth, slowly and steadily. "I remember it all," she said as she folded her wrinkly hands around her mug of tea. "I remember everything, every little detail, every moment that has passed. It's funny because whenever I look at someone, they glare at me empathetically and I bet you, I bet you that they're thinking 'look at this poor, old helpless woman'" she laughed as she grasped her mug even tighter, enjoying the feel of the warmth against her dry palms. "Ah, I may be an old, helpless woman, but I am one full of vivid, joyous, and loud memories. I too, was once a toddler. I too, snuck out of high school and drank alcohol when it was forbidden. I too, made and lost friends. I too, drank coffee every morning. And I too, fell in love. He was drop dead gorgeous. His smile made my heart feel as though it was its own person with its own brain," she paused, her lips curving upwards into a smile, complimenting her eyes even further. "He fell in love with me too, I never knew the day would come. We got married shortly after and he told me that he knew I'd be his wife the day he laid his eyes on me," she gushed and planted her feet firmly on the floor so the chair would stop rocking. "We did everything together. I remember our first Halloween, it was a disaster. We got lost whilst trick or treating. And I remember making him a cake once for his birthday with peanut butter, only to realize that he was allergic, God, his entire face was puffed up," she laughed. "We traveled to Istanbul, Paris, India, Hawaii, and so much more. We had our first child," her eyes suddenly lost their optimistic glare as they became sad and glossy, she set her cup of tea down. " I also remember him being diagnosed with prostate cancer, it was the worst day of my life, but I promised myself that I'd be strong for him and I was convinced that he'd survive. He got weaker and weaker with each passing day. He lost all of his hair, his bouncy brown curls that I loved so much. He became bone thin, but I still loved him and I still had hopes of him surviving. Finally, after a year and a half of treatment, the doctors said that he was cancer free. We celebrated, a big celebration, with all of our family and friends! I was so happy; I wanted to invite everyone and anyone. About a year passed by, when my husband was diagnosed once more with recurrence cancer, the monser had returned..only taking him away from me this time. I cried and cried until I was cried out. I didn't eat nor sleep, I felt as though I had died along with him, as though my soul had been snatched away, leaving my corpse behind. I didn't want to live. I became depressed, severely, until one day, I decided to change. He had visited me in my dream, telling me not to mourn over him, and that he was still with me," she paused and wiped a tear off of her cheek. "He told me to be happy. And so I decided that I would and that I am the only person responsible for my happiness, it was a choice. I slowly rebuilt myself and experienced life day by day. I witnessed my children fall in love and have my grandkids. I engaged in tons of volunteer work and helped create a non profit organization for cancer patients. I went to school and earned my masters in psychology. I lived every single day until all of my hairs became white and until my body was drained of energy. Life passes by in the blink of an eye, the good and the bad, before you even know it and the next day, you become 'the old helpless woman' that everyone feels sorry for. It makes me laugh because people are so naive and think that they're invincible just because of their youth. It makes me laugh because I was once the very same way. And most importantly, it makes me laugh because they're right. Life is wonderful, mysterious, and very short. I have become an 'old, helpless woman' and I am oh so grateful to have made it this far. I am grateful and proud to say that I have lived my life to the fullest and that I am not scared to leave this earth behind to the next generation whom I hope lives it to the fullest as well. This life is truly a blessing to everyone and I genuinely hope that everyone gets to experience becoming old because that's when everything really stands out to you, all of the moments and memories that you've created, you remember it all. It's crazy. And you cherish them like never before. If I was asked if I could change anything in my life and what would it be, I'd say nothing...and I hope that one day, you feel the same way while looking back at the life in which you created. 

Success

Success is a pretty heavy word that often crosses all of our minds and rolls out of all of our tongues. I know that I think of the word success all of the time and how I'm gonna reach it and what I need to do to reach it. I often ask myself what I need to do to become successful and most importantly, what exactly is "success" to me. The word "success" is so heavy because it has a different meaning to everyone and everyone has to take different paths to reach their definition of success. Keep this in mind whenever you're on your way toward your definition of success, whatever it may be. Never make the mistake of comparing your success to somebody else's because it's toxic and can hold you back from reaching your fullest potential. Be your own person and understand that everyone has their own path, their own journey. Pump envy and hatred out of your heart, blood, and veins. When you're really at peace with yourself and really understand what "success" means to you, then you'll reach it, at your own pace. Going at your own flow and not comparing yourself to others will ultimately get you where you want to be, it's the recipe to success. Rather than constantly comparing yourself to others and bringing others down, work on yourself every single day. Take a step toward your definition of success every single day. Become a better person than the person whom you were yesterday. And while you're on your journey to success, cherish all of the memories in which you've created and celebrate the person that you've become. Forgive yourself and others for mistakes that all human beings make. Enjoy life while you're on your journey and keep a light and positive heart. You will succeed.

Maybe

Maybe, just maybe, I was made for you and maybe you were made for me. We were made for eachother, you and I. I know for sure that you tumbling into my life and into my heart wasn't just by chance- everything felt so right and flowed so beautifully and smoothly- something I've never experienced before. Something that I only knew to exist in books and movies and poems. I fell in love with you the minute I first laid my eyes on you, the minute you made my heart skip a beat and made me feel invincible. I fell in love with you the moment YOU made time freeze and made ME feel superior. The way you laughed was music to my ears, the way you'd arch your neck back when you'd tell a joke and the way your eyes would shine with passion when you'd tell a story. I fell in love with your touch, with your kiss, and most importantly your presence. I fell in love with you. And I felt as though I'd known you all of my life. I felt as though the emptiness that I'd been searching for for so many years got filled up by your being. I didn't feel empty anymore. I felt whole and I thought that maybe, I was waiting for you all along. Maybe my heart knew your heart long before our bodies physically met and maybe, just maybe, you were made for me, and I for you.