Your life is a 10

"On a rate of 1-10, how happy are you?" 

My friend Ashley asked while nibbling on her pinky fingernail.

I laughed.

"What do you mean?"

"Like rate your happiness level from 1-10, your satisfaction level in general."

"Ten. What about you?"

"Seven," She said. 

"Why?" 

"Hmm well, I don't know," she said as she spat her nail out of her mouth; her freckles sparkled in the sun, they looked like specks of dust, rosy and pale. 

That night I lay in my bed and thought a lot about the question Ashley had asked me. I thought even more about her response. 

Seven. 

Why. I mean, I understand, but it kind of bothered me. A little. To be honest. 

Sure, I've struggled and I still don't have everything that I need or everything that I want. Some days, I'm an emotional mess and have no clue what I'm doing with my life. I'm far from perfect and I'm so, very unstable. 

I usually just close my eyes and take the leap. 

Yet, I chose a ten. 

Why a ten, isn't that the "perfect" life, some people might be thinking. 

And my answer is: yes. A ten. Because it's my perfect life and I'm honestly so grateful for the ups and the downs. 

I've honestly struggled a lot, I've been through a lot, and I've seen a lot. I chose a ten because life isn't perfect, but you sure as hell can decide what kind of person you want all of the experiences that you've faced to carve you into; you sure as hell can decide what kind of life you want to live, despite all of the surprises and spontaneity that it has to offer. 

Happiness is a choice. If you rate your life a seven, a one, a two, or a ten; then that's what it's going to be. It's all in your head, your brain is a pretty powerful organ and believe me when I say that your mindset has a HUGE impact on your life overall.

I chose a ten because I want my life to be a ten; as a matter of fact, my life is a ten, to me. 

I love my family. 

I love my friends. 

I love every single experience that I've been through, good and bad. 

I have food available to me at all times. 

I have air conditioner. 

I have a roof over my head. 

And I'm healthy. 

What else could a person want?! There are so much people in the world who WISH, absolutely wish, that they had half of the stuff that you have. Half. 

There are families whose parents and children are dying of starvation or war. There are little orphans who are sold and abused. 

Sure, you have struggles, but everyone does. Life was made for you to struggle, but also for you to enjoy and for you to be grateful for all of the good that it has to offer as well.

I don't know, but I feel like not rating my overall life a ten or asking for more would be pretty selfish (of me). 

Take a deep breath in, cuddle on your favorite couch, and list all of the things that you're grateful for in life. 

Hopefully you'd answer with a ten as well.

It's all about perception and your mindset. 

Your life is a ten if you want it to be a ten. 

Wretched

So much hate, bickering, and anger. I don't understand. I don't understand why we let the people closest to our hearts down, why we fight, and why we don't forgive. Human beings are constantly at war with one another- pointing fingers and bullets toward one another, yelling and screaming. I don't understand why some hearts are so black, how some hearts can tune one out so easily. 

How some hearts can allow one thing to destroy a relationship that took years to build, into crumbles.

I don't understand why people can't go above and beyond for the people whom they love- has your ego gotten that important? Has your pride taken over your heart? 

Will you shoot and retrieve bullets until the day that that person is no longer and until the day where you'll be forced to mourn at their graves? 

I don't understand why people toss the word "love" around and then hate so much when the person that they "love" makes a mistake- does one mistake wipe out everything good that that persons ever done to you? 

War. Humans are always at war. And too often, we forget how much someone means to us until they are no longer. 

Too often do we not realize how much our ego and our pride have taken over us until we are miserable and alone. 

Will you try to sing someone's name once they are long gone?

 I don't see love, symphony, and peace. I see black hearts stabbing one another; I see black hearts thriving off of drama.

 I see black hearts growing more and more rotten. 

"Me" everyone seems to say. Me. Me. Me. It's become such a self-centered world where everyone is so "me" driven. When will we truly love and respect eachother. When will we truly look past people's mistakes and study our own hearts. When will human beings stop pointing fingers; when will human beings stop bickering. Why have we developed into such self-centered monsters.

 Why so much hate and toxicity, enough to destroy the world. 

Don't wait until it's too late; don't wait until the person whom you're bickering with is long gone. 

Don't wait until your heart completely rots. Look within yourself and purify your heart. Cleanse it. And forgive, even if you have been treated wrongfully, because I promise you that that person's heart whom you're dealing with is probably wretched too. 

Mother

Mother. Mother. Mother. The word "mother" is such a precious term and holds a unique meaning in each and every one of our hearts. 

My mother is probably one of the best things that I'll ever, ever know. Ever. My mother is the most caring, loving, and selfless person; yet, I yell at her. I tell her to shut up, and I roll my eyes at her, not realizing how much my actions cause her heartache. 

My mother stays up all night with me when I'm sick and sacrifices her bed for me. 

My mother makes me food when I'm hungry and forces me to drink fresh smoothies made out of vegetables and fruit. 

My mother makes sure that I'm happy and have everything that I need. 

Yet, I tell her that she talks too much and yell that she never lets me do anything. Yet, I mimic her and yell back at her when she's angry. 

Yet, I throw a fit when she asks me to wash the dishes. And I know it breaks her heart. 

My mother is an Angel, an angel who sacrifices EVERYTHING for my siblings and I. Our happiness is literally hers. 

Oh mother, I love you so much. I wish I could be half of the woman in which you are today mother. 

No words could ever express my appreciation toward you mother. 

No action of mine could ever repay all of the heartache, hardships, and sacrifices you've been through because of me. 

Oh mother, I wish I could go back and bite my tongue when speaking to you. oh mother, I wish I could go back in time and obey every one of your commands because even then, it wouldn't be enough. 

Giving you the entire world wouldn't be enough, mother. 

I notice your hairs greying mother. And that you're developing fine lines mother. I realize that you're growing older as i'm blossoming into a young adult,mother.

For a second, I panic. I panic because I want you by my side forever mother; I never want to lose you. I panic because I'd be lost without you. I panic because I want to give you everything that you deserve and more, mother. 

I panic because I love you, mother. 

And I panic because if I could, I would choose to grow old before you, mother. Or with you. But, certainly not after you. 

My mother is the best thing that I'll ever, ever know. And I bet yours is too. 

Lost college student

It's graduation day, finally. I wear my bright blue cap and gown proudly, I worked my tail off these past two years for this day. I was finally graduating Modesto junior college with an AA-T degree in communications, not bad. I was heading somewhere, or so I thought. I had no idea what I wanted to major in and even less of an idea of what I actually wanted as a career, *sigh.* I started panicking and found myself wishing that I was in kindergarten again which was the only time that "wanting to become a power ranger when I grow up" was acceptable. And that was that. No worries. No stress. With my AA-T degree, I was ready to attend a four year university. I had my roommates picked out as well as an apartment; I was ready to move in in a few months. As the days flew by and move in date became closer, I texted my rommate that I wanted out. Yup, I cancelled my dreams of finally moving out of my parents home because I didn't know which major I wanted to pursue and came to the conclusion that moving out would be a waste of time and major bucks. I wanted to move out just to move out and "live the fast life" at the time. But the more I thought, I was only damaging my future. I decided to take a semester off to relax and really think about which career I wanted to pursue- which career would actually pay off? I always heard of students with years of education under their belt left careerless and in debt, I wasn't going to take that chance or be that person. I did tons of research with spring semester right around the corner and still have no idea what I want to major in. Maybe I can open up my own business? Or make YouTube videos? Or write a bunch of novels? I don't know, but I do know that being unsure of which career you want to pursue is okay. It's a big decision and there are a lot of options. My best advice would be to do what you love, regardless of whether or not it'll pay off because if you genuinely love it, it most likely will. You will make the best of it. It's okay to be frightened or unsure, just don't let it get in the way of you living your life and realize that you're not alone.

Sincerely, lost college student

Boss

A last single teardrop squeezed out of her eyelid and rolled down onto her chin. She wiped the fat teardrop off with her index finger and decided it was time to take action. She was the author of her story; she was the one who was going to decide whether she was going to have an amazing life or a draining one. She decided to accept all of the bad things that had happened to her in the past, store them in a box, and look forward. The future looked brighter. And she realized that it was going to be brighter because she was going to make sure that it was. She slipped on her favorite pair of fuzzy pink slippers and pulled her blonde hair back. She put her favorite music on and danced until her feet hurt and her voice drifted away. Life is good, as a matter a fact, life is great. And she decided that she was going to be the boss of how she felt and how any of her days would go by from now on.

You live on

You're gone, but you live in me. You live in all of our insiders, love sessions, and fights. You live in all of your favorite stores, books, and foods. You live in the music I listen too and in the stars that I count, in the fragrances that I come across.You live in my memories, in all of the moments we've had together, in photos and videos. You live in the person that I've become today. You're everywhere that I look, even when I try to forget about you. When I close my eyes, you live in my dreams. And when I cry, you live in my teardrops. But most importantly, you've never stopped living in my heart. With every single heartbeat of mine, you live on.

Glow

My fingers laced with hers and I'd never felt so complete in my entire life. Suddenly, the empty feeling that had been present in my chest for so long dispersed. I felt whole. We were the perfect fit. Our fingers fit perfectly, they were made for one another. I squeezed her soft hand a little tighter, yet gently. She didn't seem to mind at all, she gave mine a gentle squeeze back. The sand beneath me felt nonexistent at the moment; I felt like I was floating in space. And even though butterflies were present in my stomach, I had never felt so at ease, so comfortable. Things had never felt so right. I snuck a glance at her, she was glaring out onto the ocean, her face looked peaceful and content. I continued sneaking glances at her, she was even more beautiful than the beach itself. As a matter of fact, she was more beautiful than anything I'd ever laid my eyes on. I couldn't quite pinpoint why or how, but she just had this glow about her, in her own little perfect way, and I wouldn't change a thing.