Dissolving smoke

At once, you entered my life like an earthquake. Never before had my world shaken so vigorously regarding someone elses presence. I felt the thunder in my heart; I enhaled you in slowly, but fell for you so suddenly. Never before had I cared so truly for one person until you stepped foot into my little world. You managed to sweep me off of my feet like a rose, petal by petal. With each passing day, my heart grew fond of you. My eyes were constantly seeking your presence and yours only. Never before had I felt this energizing effect, it paralyzed me to my bones. I didn't know what to do, it was too much. You entered my world so slow yet so fast, but you left even faster like dissolving smoke-poof you were gone and left me with nothing but painful torturing memories that will remain engraved in my now cold heart until the day that I meet my grave. Your sudden withdraw only left me numb and remorseful. I felt you drifting away, but all I could do was watch you leave, watch you dissolve like smoke before you were gone for good.

I realize

I look around me and everything feels as though it's crumbling. The ground beneath my feet that I have stood on for so long doesn't feel as sturdy anymore, but shaky and unsafe. Faces that I trusted for so long turned their backs on me to reveal their true colors. I feel alone; me, myself, and I. I look around and see nothing but darkness. I have to make some big choices about things i've never even thought of before. The promised light at the end of every journey suddenly doesn't seem as bright and promising any longer, but gloomy and dim. I wish to follow my heart even though I can't understand whether or not it's whisperings are trustworthy. I want to take leaps, but I am scared of failure. I am afraid of taking the leap, but drowning in despair. I am frightened of morphing into something that I promised everyone, including myself, that i'd never become. The thought of not succeeding and ultimately proving everyone wrong terrifies me, deep down to my trembling core. My mind doesn't rest at night, it is simply flooded with thoughts, keeping my heavy eyes strained open. I hear the devils whispers in my ears and sometimes I want to believe him. Sometimes, I feel tempted to abandon all that i've ever known and all that I thrive to be, but I realize that i'm stronger. I realize that the gloomy light at the end of the tunnel does indeed shine brighter and that the more I grow as an individual, the more that I learn. I realize that every choice that I make will help shape me into the individual that i'm meant to be and show me who's really worthy of staying in my life. I realize that I am blessed that God put me through all of this bullshit so that I could find out what and who really matters. The world isn't such a dark place after all. I realize that not every painting starts beautifully, but transforms, with time and hard work, into a masterpiece. I realize that scars, bruises, and darkness allow us to appreciate the love, smiles, and gentleness. The world has to be harsh so that she can prepare us for the darkness that we're meant to face down the road, so I thank her for allowing me to open my eyes and to realize that things aren't so bad, after all.